Golden Age of Change
Hood’s Scot in New York, Ruth Walker discusses middle age…
Consider this knowledge bomb. When The Golden Girls launched in 1985, Rose was 55, Dorothy was 53, and Blanche was 47. Forty-seven!! And while the sitcom itself has aged well - you’ll find plenty of clips featuring Dorothy’s withering put-downs on TikTok – Hollywood has had to rethink its attitude towards women in their 40s and 50s. And for that, we should all be thankful.
Step aside, Gen Z – 2022 is the year of the midlife woman: where Sandra Bullock (57), Julia Roberts (54), Jennifer Lopez (52), and Meg Ryan (60) get to smooch with age-appropriate men in new big-budget rom-com releases; where Grace and Frankie returns for a final season (complete with aching bones, failing hearing, and sex in their 80s), making it Netflix’s longest-running show ever; and Helen Mirren (76), Michelle Pfeiffer (64), and Lauren Hutton (78) all wear their stunning beauty well, on screen and on the covers of glossy mags. Heck, for all its faults, And Just Like That… featured three stars aged 54 and 55.
This is not tokenism. While employers often see us as less valuable and are more likely to discriminate against us, a strange shift happens in our own psyche: we feel more free to do what WE want to do. We no longer have the responsibilities of child rearing, are often divorced, have experienced hardship and loss, and come out the other side. The result: we’re happier, more calm, and full of life than those in their 20s, 30s and 40s. Who knew ageing would be our superpower?
Ruth Walker: picture credit The Drunken Photographer
I left Edinburgh for New York aged 48, for a new job, a new relationship, and a new life. Seven years later, as some of my contemporaries are entertaining thoughts of retirement, I’m starting another new career. With a new hair colour.
Forbes has dubbed us ‘super consumers’. We're healthier, better educated, more active and curious than ever. And we wield a hefty $15 trillion in spending power. Last year, the publisher launched its inaugural ‘50 Over 50’ list, shining a spotlight on the brilliant women who are making their biggest impact in midlife. Included on that list were women like Julie Wainwright, who was CEO of Pets.com just as the dot-com bubble burst. The day she had to close the company down, her husband asked for a divorce. She was 53, and had to start from scratch. That’s when she launched the luxury resale website The RealReal – a company that is now worth more than $1 billion.
My brilliant friends mirror this trend…
Michelle Spiro
After a high-level career in fashion at Macy’s, Michelle Spiro (54) has just launched FURI Sport, a lifestyle/streetwear brand that plans to do for tennis what Supreme did for skate culture.
Michelle was at a dinner (pre-Covid) at Chief, the executive women’s network, of which she was then a member, with a famous angel investor. ‘Chief had these dinners for about 12-20 members, with key experts in certain industries – in this case it was a famous NYC angel investor,’ she explains. ‘When it was my turn to share about myself, a celebrity dinner guest, who was a few years older than me, commented that I was crazy to think about doing this “at this point of life”. It was definitely not the response I was expecting.’
Undeterred, she’s one of the fiercely creative forces behind FURI Sport, the first Black and woman-owned sports lifestyle brand rooted in tennis. They’ve just added junior tennis racquets to their range of proprietary equipment and are about to add performance apparel to their fashion line.
So what does she bring to the business that she didn’t in, say, her 30s? ‘Experience! In my 30s I didn’t know how to assess talent or build a successful team. I have all the learnings I’ve acquired through 30 years of building businesses and teams, through economic ups and downs. I’m also more open to various ways of doing things and knowing that there is not only one direction. In my 30s, I was so busy proving myself that I would get stuck in my positions and opinions.’
Best piece of advice I’ve been given by another woman: ‘Listen to others and be respectful before advocating my opinion, thoughts, strategies. Also to not feel intimidated and be sure of myself and my abilities; to not apologise for things that are not my responsibility; give credit where it is due; and support other women.’
And how about female role models? ‘My boss, Mette Odom, who I worked for at Polo underwear; Pamela Baxter, who ultimately became the CEO of Dior North America; and Jackie Nemeroff, who was president at Ralph Lauren. The things these three women had in common were grace. They never forgot where they came from, they had intelligence, and respect for others. They are all great leaders who have all influenced the leader I have become.’
Jaci Stephen
Jaci Stephen (64), a well-known British journalist and broadcaster, has just passed her New York realtor exam and is about to pursue her lifelong obsession with property as a part-time job (she'll still be writing her much-loved TV column for The Daily Mail, writing a multitude of books, and presenting her YouTube channel, displaying more creative energy than most people I know).
Jaci moved to New York after six years in LA – where she’d moved after losing a job in the UK. ‘I’d always fantasised about living in NYC,’ she says, ‘and used to buy The New Yorker, wondering what it would be like to live in a city that offered so much.
‘A friend of a friend offered me her NYC place for a month while she was working in LA and, at first, I hated it. Then, there was a moment in the Financial District when I looked up at the blue, blue sky and fell in love with the city.’
She's found her age has been irrelevant in the US – unlike in the UK, ‘where I felt on the scrap heap at 50.’
She adds: ‘I’ve received nothing but admiration and respect for being someone with life and professional experience.’
About to embark on a new adventure selling million-dollar New York apartments, she says: ‘I’ve always loved real estate, and the team I’m joining is very creative – there will be lots of opportunities for writing, albeit of a different kind.
‘I’ve moved house so much, I’m hoping I’ll be cured of my obsession – unless I end up buying everything I show! I blame it on my father, who never painted my doll’s house as a kid. Maybe if he’d painted that perfect house, I wouldn’t have always been looking for another one!’
Sonia Khemiri
French-born Sonia Khemiri (45) has a masters in Finance, is a single mum to a teenage daughter, and is co-founder of Beautyque NYC, a multi-brand 3D virtual beauty store.
Sonia's vision for Beautyque NYC had always been for it to be a physical space in New York City’s SoHo neighborhood; a place where women could come together to discover independent clean beauty brands and attend events about mental health, sexual wellness, nutrition etc. Then Covid happened and Sonia went digital. But her solution was not just to create a simple website, but to embrace the VR world and launch the industry’s first ever 3D virtual beauty store. That was in May 2020.
‘I never thought that the difficulty I faced through the pandemic would lead me into the VR world,’ she says, ‘but it makes complete sense. The beauty industry is a medium to uplift ourselves in the physical world, and X reality is a medium to uplift ourselves in the digital world.
‘Work for me is not just work, ’she adds, ‘it’s my lifestyle, and I can’t ask for better industries to be in.’
As a sexy woman working in the beauty industry, she’s had her fair share of predictably patronising comments coming her way.
‘When I was a wantrepreneur,’ she recalls, ‘I was meeting everyone I could in business, to see if any of them might be a potential collaborator who could join me on the ride. One of them was a guru in marketing and branding; a sophisticated, nice man. But he assumed I wanted to be in beauty because I love make-up and cosmetics… that I wanted to do it as a hobby.
‘I was in shock. After he’d said that, I noticed the same attitude coming from many men. Yes, I love beauty, but I was a financial analyst trying to build a business. I usually ignore gender comments like that, but it could be a bummer when it came to business deals. In the end, I don't want to do business with people like that.’
What does she bring to business at this age? ‘As the saying goes, do we become old too soon and wise too late?’ she wonders. ‘People around me tell me I’m inspiring, that I bring life to whatever project I’m working on because I’m always on the go.’
She adds: ‘When I was younger, I was much more focused on myself. Being a single mum changed all that for good. Now I enjoy making people happy – that’s what brings me joy.’
‘I’m not sure where I read it, but the best piece of advice I’ve learned from another woman was to keep my femininity on the table. When I'm in action, I bring my masculine energy to the table, but also allow myself to enjoy how feminine I am. At the beginning, I wasn’t sure if that was acceptable, especially considering some of the comments I got. But now I embrace both parts and don't hide my personality at all. I keep both energies alive in my business.’