And Just Like That…I Got Annoyed
Words by Emma-Kate Miller
Ok, so I don’t usually write things like this. But today I felt a feminist urge to put pen to paper. I’m a bit annoyed… It might be the fact that I received a Mother’s Day press release featuring kitchen cloths and sponges as suggested gift ideas or I’m still sensitive after watching Maid on Netflix. An incredible piece of television and storytelling. Characters brought to life by excellent writing, direction and superb yet subtle acting. And if you have yet to see, please do and have a box of tissues handy.
Here is a very quick synopsis, attempting to avoid spoilers. A lovely, bright girl with a college scholarship gets pregnant by her bartender boyfriend. Gives up on her dream of going to college to become a writer and has her baby. Both she and her partner have had traumatic childhoods but as she endeavours to make life as good as it can be for their daughter, he becomes a violent addict. The tale of how broken the system is at helping her escape this situation is harrowing, but with the help of a couple of female lawyers, a mature domestic violence advocate and a middle aged woman at social services she comes through…it is a phenomenal watch but prepare to feel ALL the emotions.
So, yesterday when I watched the penultimate episode of And Just Like That my annoyance grew. The trio plus extended cast were helping paint a women’s refuge. I know this is supposed to be a completely different genre but as I am yet to even smile at this “comedy” series, comparisons with Maid couldn’t be avoided. Episode nine is just as bad as every other episode in the ten part series and it left me feeling sad and hollow. The plot and dialogue are almost like the writers have never met a middle aged woman, despite having an abundance of intelligent, successful and ambitious examples on-set, one of which has even run for office.
Yeah, some of the fashion is good but it’s nowhere near good enough to compensate for the way our Sex and the City heroines are now being portrayed. Showing them as flailing, insensitive, unaware and seemingly entirely incapable of coping with “modern life” in 2022 leaves me with a lump in my throat. This is not true, and it’s not fair and I don’t know how its stars can defend it.
Sure, middle aged women are out here facing the challenges of (among many others); peri menopause and menopause, lines and wrinkles, empty nest syndrome, widowhood, broken relationships, illness, being unable to complain at the risk of being branded a “Karen” but do any of the women I know behave in this ditsy (Charlotte), clueless (Miranda) or completely weary (Carrie) way? Well, a couple who have always shown these traits might. But those who were strong, ballsy, capable women in their 20s and 30s did not instantly fall apart as they reached 45. They simply didn’t have the option because as far as I can see, it is primarily middle aged women keeping everyday life running. They just don’t have the time to become befuddled over dollies in national dress or stocktake their wardrobes. They have work to go to, businesses to run, teenagers to manage, elderly parents to look out for, relationships to maintain…
Miranda hurts the most. During lockdown 1.0 I watched the old SATC again. With grown up eyes, to me she seemed the character with most depth and width. Not any more, where has her ambition and work ethic gone? Her tenderness that she showed to Steve’s ill mother. Her cutting one liners? That fierce intelligence? Sure, she had a tough shell, but she was vulnerable too. All of that has disappeared in her lust for Che. Instead of painting the women’s shelter why isn’t she working on pro bono cases to help those women get their lives back instead? This show is clearly not hitting it in the comedy stakes so why not raise issues actually relevant to its audience?
And Charlotte, well she may have been the most conservative and traditional of the original four but believe me, because I know hundreds, women of 55 and mothers of teens are simply not that out of touch. They can’t be, because they grew up in the 80s and 90s, through an era of AIDS, clubbing, raves, drugs…she’s lived in Manhattan her entire adult life, why would she be awkward around people of colour? Is this not the very same woman who switched faith to marry the man she loves? And one thing I know for sure, she would NOT still be in the Parent Teacher Association. Women her age are done with it. Why on Earth would she continue to stress to impress other women on a school committee when her eldest kid is 15? She wouldn’t give a shit what those other women think by now. You serve your time and as your kids grow, so do you, and graciously bow out. By now you’ve made your ride or die chums and decided which mums to stay in touch with for a wine on a Wednesday. The real Charlotte would have her own gallery by now, not baking for fundraisers. Come on!
As for Carrie…Well we all have our opinion on the SATC movies but SJP’s depiction of a heartbroken woman on her “honeymoon” in the first film hit hard. Widowhood, for Carrie, seems easier to cope with than being dumped. There she is, able to face Che every week at the world’s worst podcast and clearly gets to the salon every fortnight (SJP’s hair is the star of this show)…those wedding rings would have been on a chain round her neck by now and not slipping off down a plug hole.
I thought it particularly interesting when Carrie, who accompanied Anthony (hope Mario Cantone’s shoulders are ok from carrying this series) to the cosmetic doctor in a previous episode, threw women who might want a bit of Botox or filler to make themselves feel more confident, well and truly under the bus. A script that appears to have a singular agenda to be as progressive as possible in allowing everyone to express themselves without judgement, judged it’s very core audience by having the lead character show she’s too good for a tweak here and there. Whatever!
For those who say “it’s just a silly programme” or “don’t watch it” AJLT was one of the most hyped and anticipated programmes in decades. The thought of a hit show featuring a middle aged female cast was pretty thrilling. But, sadly to those of us who grew up with Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte (and Samantha) the end result is more of a betrayal of what they once were and where we are now.
I switched off and had a scroll of tiktok (yup not just for the young uns) to see paparazzi pictures from the Daily Mail of a 58 year old Bridget Fonda minding her own business but looking “totally unrecognisable”. Yes, she is unrecognisable from the 20 something, tanned, lithe movie star she once was - how could she not be - it’s 30 years since Single White Female!
So what is the role of a 50+ woman? How are we supposed to act and look? Be like Carrie and don’t have Botox but also don’t have lines and show your age like Bridget. Don’t be shallow and silly about what to wear like Charlotte, but don’t you dare get caught in a T-shirt and comfy bottoms like Bridget. You may let your hair go grey like Miranda but you’d better wash and style it every day, not pull it into a ponytail like Bridget. Sod that! You want Botox? You get it! You prefer to pull on your sweatpants, who am I to judge? You do you.
To me Bridget looked like an ordinary woman going about her day. She retired from the public eye 20 years ago. She doesn’t court publicity. Why is her appearance being scrutinised by millions across the globe? Because she’s a middle aged woman, that’s why. Prey and easy game for the men running TV production companies and media conglomerates. By making us constantly question how we should act, look and feel, they make us feel less…so we will buy more.
And I couldn’t help but wonder…how much more of this shit will we take?